Dear Lesley: Tween Picky Eater

Your approach is awesome! Your attentiveness to the sensitivity of the situation and your recognition of her needing to gain understanding of the importance of this situation early on is admirable. My advice would be to eat with her and talk with her.

I try foods and snacks with my daughter all the time. I use those opportunities to get a genuine reaction and have meaningful conversation. I encourage her to be descriptive. Children will say they do not like something and simply say it is yucky. I urge her to use words to describe smell, texture, and taste. I suggest you do the same with your daughter. Ask her to be as descriptive as possible so that you can try to understand why she is so picky.

On your shopping trip, consider going to a store that will allow you to purchase small servings of certain items like raw nuts and dried fruits instead of solely packaged items. Also, purchase single servings of items for her to try such as individual servings of different organic yogurts instead of buying a multipack or bulk quantity. She may find that she likes cashew yogurt over Greek yogurt when given the opportunity to taste and compare.

Once you two have your selected items, taste them together and talk about what the food tastes like to her. Ask her what would make the food taste better. Sometimes my daughter does not like a food in its plain state, but she likes it when it has some complimentary flavors. Something as simple as a sprinkle of sea salt on raw nuts, pairing pecans with kiwi, or cantaloupe with cream cheese dip changes her perception and she is more receptive. Just buying the food and waiting for a picky eater to taste and express interest might not work.

Another suggestion would be to dine in or order takeaway from a restaurant for you two to share. Engage in positive conversation about the food you ordered. Eating a meal together may help her to be more open to trying new foods and may create space for her to speak comfortably and openly.

I also suggest that you talk with your daughter to see if there are some not-so-positive discussions happening regarding food, eating in general, or self-image when she is with others away from the home. The influence of others can affect a child’s perception on many things including eating and how they see themselves if they eat differently than others. My daughter once refused to eat broccoli because a cartoon character said it was disgusting. At the time, I thought her dislike for broccoli came out of nowhere. After a discussion, I was able to get her to eat broccoli again.

Lastly, if you have noticed a major change in your daughter’s behavior when it comes to eating, schedule for her to speak with a health care professional to determine if there is a need for medical intervention or professional guidance. Your level of awareness is amazing. However, decide if going a step further to rule out a more serious issue is necessary. Be encouraged.